Big Train
I got a bit bored of the first series, so I never watched anymore, but I caught an old one last night and nearly injured myself laughing at this.
All I wanted out of life was a volcano base to call my own, maybe a submarine bay, a pirhana pool, a helipad... the usual stuff, you know? What have I got? Nothing. Not even a henchman to call my own. Frankly, I'm very bitter about the whole thing.