12 June 2010

Platitude attack!

Platitudes are all bollocks. "Seize the day"? Have you tried that? How are you supposed to do that, practically speaking? Wave your arms about and grab at the air? Rip a page off a calendar? I hope this half-arsed motivational toss makes the people who spout it feel better, because it does shat-all for me.

How about, "Live each day as if it's your last"? I tried that once, I spent the day curled up in the corner, rocking back and forth mumbling "i don't want to die i don't want to die i don't want to die" That's a design for life is it? If you're a twattock, maybe.

Stupidest to me, is "Live fast, die young, leave a good looking corpse." Well, that corpse will look good for a few days, until putrefaction kicks in. Unless you're going to have yourself stuffed, that shit's going to rot in the ground, or get flambéd. So for your troubles you'll have left either a dull looking pile of ash, or a necrotised slime puddle in a box. Well done.

I've been honing some more realistic phrases to live by, and some of them are quite catchy, some, err... not that catchy. AVANTI!

"Live fast, die young, hope the mortician's not a necrophiliac."

"Die in early middle-age, leave a fairly presentable corpse."

"Die during menopause, leave a corpse that's as good as you can expect, but probably won't look good naked."

"Live slow, die really old, who's got the last laugh now?!?!?"

"Live slow, die young anyway, what a pisser!"

"Live fast, sit in an adiabatic demagnetising refrigerator so you achieve the lowest possible mass which will cause time to move more slowly. This would achieve the inverse of time dilation so whilst your life would appear to move at a normal rate you would in fact age more quickly. Although the effect may appear marginal and it may be more effective to speed up everyone else to a significant proportion of C, relatively ...and leave a good looking corpse!"

"Live fast, experience time dilation, find everyone you knew has died while you were orbiting Alpha Centauri"

"Live weird, die bizarre, leave your corpse to science."

"Live fast, die old, leave a good looking widow."

"Die old, leave a corpse."


There's something achievable for everyone there. Well, apart from that Alpha Centauri one, that just not realistic.

29 May 2010

What's a fair price for an ebook? (POLL)

If one question has kept popping up this year, it has been "What is a fair price for an ebook?" Publishers have been putting their case for the prices they're asking. Writers have been explaining how cheaper ebooks are boosting their sales. Readers have been asking why there aren't bigger savings with no physical product to make, store and distribute?

So I've set up a poll on the Victor Finch Book blog, here, to get as many opinions as possible on what is a fair price for a digital book. Please take part and tell as many people interested in books and reading as you can.

Thanks.

25 May 2010

Sleeeeeeeeepknooooooooooooot!

Apparently some fella from Slipknot is dead. Here's to him, with one of Half Man Half Biscuit's finest songs.

17 May 2010

Side-endian


Hey, Jonathan Swift, screw you!!

15 May 2010

Minister Grimsdale! Minister Grimsdale!

It wasn't the most decisive election in the history of Britain, but there's no doubt the electorate finally decided to put us out of Gordon's misery. And yet, there he stayed, under a lie that he was constitutionally required to remain Prime Minister until it was clear who would be taking over at Number 10. Under this contrivance, he was subject to greater and greater indignity, all the while being told by Labour mouth-pieces how incredibly dignified he was being.

Across social media, this ever escalating perversion of the will of the electorate was accompanied by a bewildering array of support and seeming affection for the fallen leader. The leftist media-luvvie wanketeers can lead a strong narrative of bullshit if it's in the cause of sabotaging a change of government (I swear they'd sing the praises of Pol Pot if he could keep the Conservatives out of Number 10). But, the tone of affection really surprised me.

Why would a dismal, failed premiership, as lacking in achievement as it was filled with vicious in-fighting, fiscal incompetence and complete lack of vision; what's more, one characterised by a fatal ineptitude of interpersonal skills, inspire such warmth and sympathy?

It finally clicked. With a starting point of Vince Cable's observation that the now ex-Prime Minister had morphed from Stalin to Mr. Bean, this was the final stage of his metamorphosis. Here he was, a man who is useless at his job, beset by incidents born of his own clunking ineptness and the slings and arrows of clumsy fortune; yet a sizeable group of people were rooting for him to succeed, to win through against all the odds. No matter how useless he is, no matter how spectacularly he fucks up, they're there, willing him to win. In this humiliating electoral limbo, he became Norman Wisdom!

He already gone from the clunking fist control freak, to being the oddball, alienesque, socially retarded weirdo, before finally becoming the hapless, luck-proof, well-meaning but ineffectual tit. In the mind's of New Labour apologists he was now the pratt-falling, serendipitous nicampoop that the folks want to win the day!

"She was just some sort of bigoted woman!" Oh, Norman, you still had your microphone on! You've done it again! Ho ho ho! You big silly!

"Minister Grimsdale just resigned, saying we'll never get re-elected with me as Prime Minister." Oh my sides! What whacky thing will happen to Norman next!

"Oh dear, I came last in all 3 of the television debates." Stop it, Norman! You're killing me!


This affection crystalised when he finally admitted he'd lost the election, and resigned as PM. As he departed Buckingham Palace, in a car now devoid of Police outriders to escort it on it way (a stark illustration that he doesn't matter anymore), the hashtag #thankyougordon sprang up on Twitter.

With the damage he wrought on our economy, and the duplicity and deceit he used to excuse and conceal his poisonous and destructive influence, I personally found this uncritical gushing pretty nauseating. He wasn't Norman Wisdom, blundering about to comic effect; he was consistently fucking up and lying through his teeth every time he got called on it.

I didn't want to just let this stream of bullshit flow uninterrupted, so I decided to inject some reality into proceedings, adding my own thanks for a job bad done. I reproduce them here so they aren't lost in the flow of text that springs from novelty island. There's a few extra for good measure.

#thankyougordon for robbing my parents' pensions

#thankyougordon for turning our economy into a pyramid scheme, then acting surprised when it fell apart

#thankyougordon for selling our gold reserves at a quarter of their value

#thankyougordon for promising a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty, then sending David Miliband scuttling off to sign it without the nation's say so

#thankyougordon for letting cheap debt drive house prices far out of reach of first time buyers

#thankyougordon for the culture of cheap debt that turned property market into the preserve of buy-to-let profiteers and quick-buck property developers

#thankyougordon for creating a necessity for 40 and 50 year mortgages, 100% mortgages, and for people to lie about their earnings to be able to buy

#thankyougordon for looking at an out of control property boom and the inevitable housing crisis it caused and seeing only more money for the treasury

#thankyougordon for allowing a culture of reckless borrowing that had the population racking up mortgage level debt on their credit cards

#thankyougordon for announcing the same money again and again and again, to make it sound like you were investing 3 times as much as you really were

#thankyougordon for incentivising indolence, failure and bankruptcy, and punishing success, wealth creation and job creation

#thankyougordon for having opposition members arrested for uncovering government incompetence, then denying all knowledge (Mugabe and Ahmadinejad would be proud of you)

#thankyougordon for underfunding our troops and then lying about how much you'd spent to keep them safe

#thankyougordon for PFI schemes even the Conservatives wouldn't have run, locking local authorities into expensive service contracts for buildings they don't own

#thankyougordon for giving up on nationalising industry, and nationalising the workforce instead, with 1 in 4 people of working age employed by the public sector

#thankyougordon for leaving office with higher unemployment than you inherited form the "evil" tories

#thankyougordon for a bigger gap between rich and poor than you inherited from the "evil" tories

#thankyougordon for over 8 million people who are classed as economically inactive

#thankyougordon for bringing the repeatedly disgraced Peter Mandelson back into government, continuing Blair's legacy of cronyism and giving vast power to someone the electorate can't remove

#thankyougordon for fighting an election campaign against the Conservative party of 30 years ago, and getting the same result as the Labour party of 30 years ago

#thankyougordon for fighting the ghost of a woman who's nearly dead, and losing

#thankyougordon for trying to stitch-up an electoral system that would mean only Labour could ever win again, when you had just spectacularly lost

#thankyougordon for sending your unelected minions to pervert democracy and lay claim to the votes of 7 million Lib-Dem voters, many of whom despise your government's actions in office

#thankyougordon for taking Labour back to childish, nasty, poisonous, divisive, envy-politics that kept Labour out of power for a generation

#thankyougordon for post defeat election shenanigans that make Florida 2000, Zimbabwe 2008 and Iran 2009 look reasonable

#thankyougordon for unleashing your attack dogs, McBride, Balls and Whelan on Alistair Darling for being honest about the disastrous economy you'd created

#thankyougordon for trading on a reputation as a safe pair of hands built on a false, bubble-economy that grew more dangerous the more you shored it up with unsustainable borrowing

#thankyougordon for inspiring me to come up with the saying "When the going gets tough, the weak get lying"

#thankyougordon for going into hiding while mass-murderer al Megrahi was given early release from prison

#thankyougordon for allowing the release of al Mehgrahi so BP could get oil development programs in Libya

#thankyougordon for never achieving an electoral mandate, even within your own party, yet still attempting to cling to power after being rejected by the country

#thankyougordon for abolishing "Boom & Bust"... oh, wait...

#thankyougordon for a smile that could curdle milk

#thankyougordon for not being Prime Minister anymore, you slack-jawed incompetent, power-clinging, mandate-lacking destroyer of our economy.



I didn't even start on the things that happened under Tony Blair. Thank fuck that's over.

Labels: , , , , , ,

09 May 2010

Considerations for Lib-Dems who favour a piecemeal deal.

My political philosophy is to vote against any Government that has been in power so long that it thinks it belongs there. I am not a tribal voter, but I am not a floating voter either. I am always open to debate, and responsive to sound arguments, but I will already know who I will vote for at least a year before an election takes place. Party political broadcasts, fatuous celebrity endorsements, funny photoshops and election posters will never sway me. In the interests of debate, I offer the following observations about coalition government.

There are two parties which consistently voted against 90-day detention, control orders, secret trials with secret evidence, ID cards, DNA records retention for those charged with no crime, and many other, ultra right-wing database/surveillance state measures that New Labour introduced.

There are a lot of foul authoritarian works to be undone. Labour in coalition cannot possibly consider allowing a party with a double-digit seat tally to dictate to them a reversal of years of their legislative works.

There is also the deficit, which Gordon refused to tackle in case it further harmed his poor chances of re-election. A coalition with Labour would require a disagreeable multi-party arrangement to achieve a workable majority, with Scotland and Wales angling for big cash sweeteners at a time of deep financial crisis.

Propping up a discredited and roundly defeated government would do immense harm to the democratic credentials of the party. Especially if it were to result in a hastily concocted electoral system that assists a failed and rejected Government returning to power.

Labour has consistently stolen Lib-Dem votes through tactical voting wheezes which are never remotely reciprocal in size and effect. Labour activists have spent the period since the election claiming Lib-Dem votes belong to them, being proxy "anti-tory" votes, and therefore de-facto votes for Gordon Brown continuing as Prime Minister.

They promised electoral reform 13 years ago, and apart from some frivolous dallying with the House of Lords, nothing has been achieved. Fool you once, shame on them... you know the rest. Their crassly cynical promises now propose an ATV stitch-up that would have them in power forever, knowing that in most cases 2nd preference votes from Lib-Dems would go to Labour; and leaving libertarian minded people who oppose statism and Big Brother snooping with nowhere to cast a 2nd and 3rd vote.

Even when it has left the Conservatives hugely electorally disadvantaged, they have always espoused the integrity of a representative democracy of local, and locally elected, representatives. Even if you don't agree with it, it is impossible to deny that this a principle position, and has never been about short-term advantage.

Labour cynically offers and withdraws support for electoral reform, with no principle involved, merely self-serving political expediency. It considers its first duty in power, not to govern well or wisely, but to deny power to the tories. Anything that achieves that infantile, tribalistic goal is justified.

They perpetuate a childish, poisonous, divisive and reductive "Heroes & Villains" narrative in British politics that is every bit as instrumental as FPTP in shutting Lib-Dems out of elections. This is where your Cleggmania surge disappeared to.

Nick Clegg and David Cameron are self-evidently "new politics"; Gordon Brown is a 20th century politician, flinging totemic images of Thatcher around to scare voters; Labour are still fighting the battles of 30 years ago, and it's no coincidence that doing so delivered similar results to Michael Foot's endeavours.

That is not "progressive" politics, it is regressive politics. Blair's New veneer has been rubbed off and we're left with a party that's stuck in the 1980's fighting the memory of a now frail old woman, yet it still clings to power after a devastating electoral defeat.

Supporting that situation is not a place that any political party that wishes to retain the respect of the electorate should be positioning itself.

The Conservatives will shoulder the unpopularity of public spending cuts, yet the Lib-Dems can have some say in where they fall. One party a lightning rod for the unpopularity of the cuts, the other a conscience in how they are implemented, and neither party in the restrictive thrall of unions who would put their own interests before the financial future of the nation. After nearly a century out of power the Lib-Dems can demonstrate they have the chops for governing, and show there is an alternative way for ordinary left-leaning Britons to vote without getting dragged into ugly, divisive politics of Lab-Con confrontation.

There is every chance Labour will soon be riven by a war of Blairites vs. Old Labour union stooges. Balls and Whelan want to take Labour back to the 70's; whereas Mandelson will be angling to return the party to election winning ground with a Miliband, or some other leader who doesn't revolt the middle-classes that Blair wooed in the 90's. Gordon lost those voters in the noughties, and they'll be very hard to get back.

The centre left is up for grabs and the Liberal Democrat brand is not tainted with toxicity of an illegal war, facilitating torture and financial incompetence. Joining a failed Labour party in government could only stain the Lib-Dems. With a dodgy jigsaw coalition that Labour would need, that would make an Autumn election very likely. Tainted by Labour, and lacking the huge cash reserve the Conservatives have in their war-chest, the Lib-Dems would be quite likely to do even worse, as the Labour vote firms up in the pain of opposition, and the general public feel betrayed that Labour have been allowed to remain in government after defeat.

If ever the Liberal Democrats are to be seen as a party worthy of power in their own right, they must break the abusive relationship with Labour, and demonstrate the country's needs are a much higher priority than partisanship. Electoral reform is clearly needed, but PR has as many failures in the world at large, and aside from the great necessity of WWII, the history of coalitions in Britain is a history of failure.

Huge reform of the way boundaries are set and altered, removing the tectonic lethargy and balancing the catchments, is vital, but as a one time advocate of PR, I have gradually become very cautious about its ability to deliver effective government. The situation we have now, of a man who has lost the only attempt he has ever made to seek a mandate and yet remains in power, is a foretaste of what PR is most likely to deliver. As this goes on, I'm not sure the wider public will have a taste for it. If it comes to a referendum, it may well fail.

Fundamental electoral reform must not be rushed through to benefit a failed government in time for a run-off 2nd election. It must be explored, considered, scrutinised and debated. As someone who is fully behind thorough electoral reform, I hope the offer will be made. I hope it will be accepted.

Labels: , , , , , ,

06 May 2010

Guhh! Managing to revise about one chapter a day at the moment, painful. I'm trying to avoid melodramatic electoral bullshit as it appears around the webzoens. The commentary is mind-meltingly crap. Not worth participating, not worth arguing, not worth discussing. A wall of cognitive dissonance, protected with puny rationales.

I'm caffeine loading for tonight, although with 20 or so seats not declaring until tomorrow, the all-night election coverage could be a bit futile, as those late declaring seats could be the decider between a hung parliament and a majority government.

I'll be watching urban Labour marginals carefully. Some have razor thin majorities, and huge numbers of new, unscrutinised postal votes. Any of the seats that produce unexpected Labour wins against the Uniform National Swing... well, let's just say, the illegal revelation of Kerry McCarthy's postal voting numbers told a very disturbing story about massively disproportional vote tallies. Expect more criminal investigations in the coming months.



***UPDATE***

Bethnal Green and Bow declares, 14% swing, way out of line with other election results. Majority up from 800 to nearly 12,000. Just sayin'

29 April 2010

Gordon's gift to the BNP.

"Immigration, understandably, and legitimately, generates strong feelings, and people have a right to talk about these issues and what they mean for them. As politicians in that mainstream, in the centreground of British politics, we have a duty to listen and engage with these big issues, because if we don't people will listen to whoever does." --- Gordon Brown, 31st March, 2010

Interesting day, yesterday, as much for what people said about it as for what Gordon Brown actually did. I've covered in detail the thin pretence we have of freedom of speech these days. From thin skinned, reactionary, professional-victims, to those who dress themselves in the moralistic finery of patronisingly defending others from having to hear nasty things. Both groups which will leap to fling ugly insinuations around at the merest hint of an off-message phrase.


Seeing Gordon Brown facepalm when hearing his own words played back to him has broader electoral consequences than his own, already blighted political future. As I said last October, the expectation of political properness in language is used to bury uncomfortable truths; but it's a shallow grave. Everybody knows where the grave is, everybody knows what is in the grave. But nobody is allowed to talk about the grave.

Yesterday, Gillian Duffy asked about that shallow grave. Yesterday, Gillian Duffy went to the shops, and, while about her business, became aware of the close presence of the Prime Minister. She wanted an opportunity to ask about some very important matters (I think we all would). Taxes on pensions. Student tuition fees. The budget deficit. Immigration.

The first 3 demonstrate an intelligent, working class woman who clearly has a solid grasp of the state of the nation, but the last one makes Gordon nervous. You see, she talked about the grave, and what was in it. The shallow grave nobody is supposed to talk about; that everyone is supposed to ignore unless they talk about it in a certain way.

People must couch their questions and statements with adequate equivocation, like "We all know that immigration is a benefit... but", "We welcome immigration and the richness immigrants bring to our culture... but" (is this sounding familiar?) You know the rest. Once they've donned their proper linguistic armour, we can hear what they actually have to say and then decide if we can shout "Racist!" at them. Without these front-loaded caveats, you don't even need to listen, there's no decision to be made, it's automatic. Racist. Bigot.

This was powerfully in evidence on Twitter yesterday. Gordon was horrified, and apologised, then went back to apologise in person. All the time that was happening, this impolitic woman, this un-nuanced woman, this spin-free, real woman, who exists outside the world of mealy-mouthed politic-speak was being ripped to shreds by the Twitterati. Celebrity power very quickly had the #bigotgate hashtag relegated from trending topics, to be replaced by the anti-Duffy #bigotedwoman accompanying many funny tweets, and many downright obnoxious tweets. All of which were completely on the side that Gordon Brown had already abandoned, the side that believes if you say anything remotely critical about immigration levels, you're a racist.

Gillian Duffy is not a politician. Her concerns, whether realistic or not, are the concerns of hundreds of thousand, if not, millions of people in this country. It is a matter of record that immigration levels spiking massively under New Labour was no accident. Andrew Neather, a former Government advisor revealed last year that it was a covertly implemented policy to throw open the doors to all comers. This was not altruism. Their tacit goal was to ram multiculturalism down the throats of the opposition, and if they complained about it, to brand them as racists in order to gain political advantage. Moreso, the goal was an infantile desire to inflict pain on rivals. The goal was tribalistic, childish, partisan, political spite.

If you think the immense rise in the popularity of the BNP during this period - gaining council seats, and even seats in the European Parliament - is a coincidence, or was simply inevitable, or follow the line that "all political parties must shoulder the blame for letting this happen", think again.

The rise of the BNP is due to an act of deliberate Government provocation. A gauntlet thrown down on the ground in front of anyone who dared defy their multicultural ambitions. Middle-class guilt about not being poor, not being meek enough, fretting about whether that Indian couple who moved in down the road will think you're racist if you don't smile enough at them (or smile too much at them); that will keep a lot of the population in line with this piece of maliciously motivated social engineering.

But the working class aren't raised to feel guilty, that's the job of the middle class. When the working class see how open-door immigration overloads local housing, local infrastructure and local services, they want to know how this was allowed to happen. They want to know why grubby partisan politics in the Westminster village is indifferent to the strain unchecked mass immigration places on their lives and their communities. So too do builders and tradesman who are being undercut by cheap overseas labourers. They aren't trained in nuanced politic-speak, and they don't deserve the derision and dismissal of the political classes, the chattering classes and the Twittering classes just because they speak like real people. Nor do they deserve the crass, childish, invective tantrums on display in social media yesterday.

While the earnest, comfortably-off and worthy chattering classes back-slap themselves and each other for being better people than Gillian Duffy; being pleased with themselves for the "enlightenment" that comfort allows, indulging themselves in right-on snobbery; people with real problems, who are sick of being castigated for expressing honest views will think they're as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb. If that's what the insulated, ignorant political class thinks, why not turn their Labour vote into a BNP vote?

Pathetic whining about Sky News this, and Murdoch that, completely miss the point of what happened yesterday. We know who Murdoch wants to win the election this year, just like we knew in 1997. Congratulations to the people just now waking up to his toxic influence! Well done, what fucking rock have they been living under for the last 30 years?

For all the influence Murdoch has exerted on these elections (ironically, usually resulting in worse polling for the Conservatives) Rupert Murdoch didn't make Gordon Brown say what he said. Didn't conspire for him to reveal the contempt the Government have for the sort of people who have supported the Labour party from its very birth as a political movement. What Gordon Brown did was not just insult an old woman, it was to dismiss millions of fair-minded people in an offensive and offhand way. I doubt Nick Griffin has ever had a better day than yesterday. They may even get an MP out of this one.


I deliberately did NOT couch this post with an introduction stating I'm not racist, or stating I have nothing against immigration, or any of the other cowardly caveats anyone daring to discuss these topics is supposed to use. Anyone who thinks I needed to, or in absence of them assumed that I must also be a racist or a bigot, they are NOT combating bigotry, they are perpetuating it, and escalating it. You're not a righteous warrior for racial and ethnic tolerance, you're the reason people turn away from mainstream parties towards the only people with nothing to lose by telling awkward truths.

If you participated in the sustained attack on someone who just asked a fair question, then you are not the answer to intolerance, you are the problem.

27 April 2010



29 March 2010

All work and some play make Jack somebody I've never met.

I seem to be tolerably on course for this short story collection that I plan to publish later in the year. January was collecting all of my years of short-story ideas, and whittling them down to things that were still topically relevant and that hadn't been done by other writers between me thinking of them and actually setting about writing them.

I wound up with about 22 story premises worth writing, and 9 that have enough development to be actual stories. I spent most of February working on the first story, with the words coming like near-frozen treacle a lot of the time. It has a beginning, a middle and an end, but it still needs fleshing out and trimming. I reached the end a week ago last Friday, and I've set it aside so I can come back to it fresh after a few weeks.

The next story I started on Monday and finished at 4am on Friday morning (or Thursday night, I tend not to call a day by its name until I've woken up to it) and have spent Friday honing it. That's the fastest I've ever written anything like that. It's just over 7,000 words now, so I'll probably do a cut down version to send out for anthologies and competitions, and keep the longer one for my collection.

Writing is coming naturally for the first time in quite a while, and the usual distractions aren't. TV, internet, meals, dog walking, they get done but so does the work. That said, the story I just finished has been one I've been thinking of since about 2003, so it was 4 days in the writing, plus 7 years in the thinking. I'm relieved it all just came out exactly how I wanted it, and the ending, which I'd never actually thought through in all that time, came about naturally and is better than I could have hoped.

With both stories at over 6,000 words, 9 or 10 stories should make a very decent length for a story collection, so if my brain stays in this effective state and I can get the stories out, all seems set for a good product. Best part is, both times I've finished a story, I've wanted to start the next one straight away. When it comes, you have to use it.

Labels: