15 May 2010

Minister Grimsdale! Minister Grimsdale!

It wasn't the most decisive election in the history of Britain, but there's no doubt the electorate finally decided to put us out of Gordon's misery. And yet, there he stayed, under a lie that he was constitutionally required to remain Prime Minister until it was clear who would be taking over at Number 10. Under this contrivance, he was subject to greater and greater indignity, all the while being told by Labour mouth-pieces how incredibly dignified he was being.

Across social media, this ever escalating perversion of the will of the electorate was accompanied by a bewildering array of support and seeming affection for the fallen leader. The leftist media-luvvie wanketeers can lead a strong narrative of bullshit if it's in the cause of sabotaging a change of government (I swear they'd sing the praises of Pol Pot if he could keep the Conservatives out of Number 10). But, the tone of affection really surprised me.

Why would a dismal, failed premiership, as lacking in achievement as it was filled with vicious in-fighting, fiscal incompetence and complete lack of vision; what's more, one characterised by a fatal ineptitude of interpersonal skills, inspire such warmth and sympathy?

It finally clicked. With a starting point of Vince Cable's observation that the now ex-Prime Minister had morphed from Stalin to Mr. Bean, this was the final stage of his metamorphosis. Here he was, a man who is useless at his job, beset by incidents born of his own clunking ineptness and the slings and arrows of clumsy fortune; yet a sizeable group of people were rooting for him to succeed, to win through against all the odds. No matter how useless he is, no matter how spectacularly he fucks up, they're there, willing him to win. In this humiliating electoral limbo, he became Norman Wisdom!

He already gone from the clunking fist control freak, to being the oddball, alienesque, socially retarded weirdo, before finally becoming the hapless, luck-proof, well-meaning but ineffectual tit. In the mind's of New Labour apologists he was now the pratt-falling, serendipitous nicampoop that the folks want to win the day!

"She was just some sort of bigoted woman!" Oh, Norman, you still had your microphone on! You've done it again! Ho ho ho! You big silly!

"Minister Grimsdale just resigned, saying we'll never get re-elected with me as Prime Minister." Oh my sides! What whacky thing will happen to Norman next!

"Oh dear, I came last in all 3 of the television debates." Stop it, Norman! You're killing me!

This affection crystalised when he finally admitted he'd lost the election, and resigned as PM. As he departed Buckingham Palace, in a car now devoid of Police outriders to escort it on it way (a stark illustration that he doesn't matter anymore), the hashtag #thankyougordon sprang up on Twitter.

With the damage he wrought on our economy, and the duplicity and deceit he used to excuse and conceal his poisonous and destructive influence, I personally found this uncritical gushing pretty nauseating. He wasn't Norman Wisdom, blundering about to comic effect; he was consistently fucking up and lying through his teeth every time he got called on it.

I didn't want to just let this stream of bullshit flow uninterrupted, so I decided to inject some reality into proceedings, adding my own thanks for a job bad done. I reproduce them here so they aren't lost in the flow of text that springs from novelty island. There's a few extra for good measure.

#thankyougordon for robbing my parents' pensions

#thankyougordon for turning our economy into a pyramid scheme, then acting surprised when it fell apart

#thankyougordon for selling our gold reserves at a quarter of their value

#thankyougordon for promising a referendum on the Lisbon Treaty, then sending David Miliband scuttling off to sign it without the nation's say so

#thankyougordon for letting cheap debt drive house prices far out of reach of first time buyers

#thankyougordon for the culture of cheap debt that turned property market into the preserve of buy-to-let profiteers and quick-buck property developers

#thankyougordon for creating a necessity for 40 and 50 year mortgages, 100% mortgages, and for people to lie about their earnings to be able to buy

#thankyougordon for looking at an out of control property boom and the inevitable housing crisis it caused and seeing only more money for the treasury

#thankyougordon for allowing a culture of reckless borrowing that had the population racking up mortgage level debt on their credit cards

#thankyougordon for announcing the same money again and again and again, to make it sound like you were investing 3 times as much as you really were

#thankyougordon for incentivising indolence, failure and bankruptcy, and punishing success, wealth creation and job creation

#thankyougordon for having opposition members arrested for uncovering government incompetence, then denying all knowledge (Mugabe and Ahmadinejad would be proud of you)

#thankyougordon for underfunding our troops and then lying about how much you'd spent to keep them safe

#thankyougordon for PFI schemes even the Conservatives wouldn't have run, locking local authorities into expensive service contracts for buildings they don't own

#thankyougordon for giving up on nationalising industry, and nationalising the workforce instead, with 1 in 4 people of working age employed by the public sector

#thankyougordon for leaving office with higher unemployment than you inherited form the "evil" tories

#thankyougordon for a bigger gap between rich and poor than you inherited from the "evil" tories

#thankyougordon for over 8 million people who are classed as economically inactive

#thankyougordon for bringing the repeatedly disgraced Peter Mandelson back into government, continuing Blair's legacy of cronyism and giving vast power to someone the electorate can't remove

#thankyougordon for fighting an election campaign against the Conservative party of 30 years ago, and getting the same result as the Labour party of 30 years ago

#thankyougordon for fighting the ghost of a woman who's nearly dead, and losing

#thankyougordon for trying to stitch-up an electoral system that would mean only Labour could ever win again, when you had just spectacularly lost

#thankyougordon for sending your unelected minions to pervert democracy and lay claim to the votes of 7 million Lib-Dem voters, many of whom despise your government's actions in office

#thankyougordon for taking Labour back to childish, nasty, poisonous, divisive, envy-politics that kept Labour out of power for a generation

#thankyougordon for post defeat election shenanigans that make Florida 2000, Zimbabwe 2008 and Iran 2009 look reasonable

#thankyougordon for unleashing your attack dogs, McBride, Balls and Whelan on Alistair Darling for being honest about the disastrous economy you'd created

#thankyougordon for trading on a reputation as a safe pair of hands built on a false, bubble-economy that grew more dangerous the more you shored it up with unsustainable borrowing

#thankyougordon for inspiring me to come up with the saying "When the going gets tough, the weak get lying"

#thankyougordon for going into hiding while mass-murderer al Megrahi was given early release from prison

#thankyougordon for allowing the release of al Mehgrahi so BP could get oil development programs in Libya

#thankyougordon for never achieving an electoral mandate, even within your own party, yet still attempting to cling to power after being rejected by the country

#thankyougordon for abolishing "Boom & Bust"... oh, wait...

#thankyougordon for a smile that could curdle milk

#thankyougordon for not being Prime Minister anymore, you slack-jawed incompetent, power-clinging, mandate-lacking destroyer of our economy.

I didn't even start on the things that happened under Tony Blair. Thank fuck that's over.

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Blogger Fiona said...

So glad there is at least one blogger that is seeing sense and hasn't kept their brain in a jar :-)

4:08 pm  
Blogger Hughes. said...

Indeed. I keep my brain in a shoebox!

Where have you been hiding? You ain't commented here for ages.

10:17 am  
Blogger Fiona said...

Oh hither and thither. Mostly thither. On Wordpress. What a pile of carp that software is, I'm back on blogspot.

5:30 pm  
Blogger Hughes. said...

My attempts with Wordpress left me dazed and confused. Welcome back to Bl0rger!

6:47 pm  

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